I do have opinions. I'm only sharing some of them, but who knows if I share the right ones with the right people. Which hard things get said? Which easy ones?
When I am reaching out to untie a string, I do not strive.
My town is shaped like a chain of figure eights. They overlap predictably/constantly. Hipster. Tattoo. Drunk mess. Interesting haircut. False revelation. Fucking. Occasionally listenable soundtrack. This is not my life, but I see it all the time.
My life: Teach. Judge. Give up on humanity. Grade. Escape. Bad wrists. Good talks. Judge. Hope. Write. Withold. Procrastinate. Cuddle. Sleep.
It is hard to begin something new (with my whole being) after so many false starts. Changing my life is hard because I know it is mine, and that is weighty.
Nonetheless.
I want to grow and be more. Learn to still and relax more fully. Share with new people. Put tiny paper futures and possibilities out in the world (that ignored them last year). Create new and different possibilities that are more empowered. Most of all I want to finish and defend. I want my life to be more mine once the degree has been earned; it feels wrong to do any sort of change at all that could delay or endanger those magical three letters (that I do not actually believe are magic).
The three letters *are* magic because they represent a capacity that few people have of giving themselves over completely over to an incredibly laborious commitment and actually finishing.
ReplyDeleteYou are that person that is finishing. You are that person that has that ability. After the letters have been acquired, you will be free to turn that focus and resolve and courage to any other aspect of your life that you choose.
Congratulations :]
"Changing my life is hard because I know it is mine, and that is weighty."
ReplyDeleteSo well put, as is so much you say. Miss late night talks in lounges and doorways. Keep being the inspiration that you are.
My parents LOVE those letters and think of them as defining characteristics. Keep on keeping on!
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